SIPB Social Principles SIPB is an awesome place for interacting with computers, but there are people here too! Sometimes, we blur the mental line between these and end up interacting with people as if they are machines. This inevitably results in an unpleasant experience for all parties involved. To help keep the line intact, we've come up with a set of important core principles to keep in mind when interacting with our mortal counterparts: 1) People don't remember what you tell them; they remember how you make them feel. 2) Be sincere. 3) Don't be a jerk. 4) Pay special attention to (1) through (3) when interacting online: email, Zephyr, etc. Intervening computers have a knack for making human interactions less than human. Unfortunately, this isn't quite as easy as it sounds. While most people behave empathetically, sincerely, and friendly most of the time, nobody can do so all of the time--unlike computers, we're not perfect. To concretize these principles, we've also collected some guidelines describing specific behaviors we'd like to promote. They're not comprehensive, but we think they catch the most common pitfalls. Perfection is not required for participation We want people to participate in SIPB projects without feeling like they're going to get flamed for not knowing enough. Obviously, this means that you shouldn't publicly chastise SIPB affiliates for making mistakes. This applies even if the affiliate in question "should know better"--prospectives are listening (in the office, on Zephyr, on email lists, etc.), and if they see you spouting nonconstructive criticism, they will fear their own errors as harbingers of mockery and exclusion. Please give people suggestions on how to do better--but please don't do in ways that suggest that someone is a bad person for making a mistake, that we expect better, or that their contribution was worthless. Be careful expressing surprise Don't act surprised by someone else's lack of knowledge. This applies to both technical topics ("What?! I can't believe you don't know what Hesiod is!") and non-technical ones ("What?! You don't know who RMS is?!"). You may be genuinely surprised when you discover that others don't know everything you take for granted, but keep your surprise to yourself: It's hard to admit you don't know something, and having others blow that lack of knowledge way out of proportion is quite unpleasant. You may not want to upset someone, but reminding them of what they don't know is virtually guaranteed to produce that end result. We want SIPB to be a place where people feel safe saying "I don't know" or "I don't understand". Only by discovering what you don't know can you start the real learning process. We don't want SIPB to become an environment where people don't feel like a "real" SIPB affiliate because they don't know what wget(1) or nc(1) is. Avoid over-correcting others ("Well, actually...") The urge to demonstrate your knowledge can be strong, and SIPB is as much as place for teaching as it is a place for learning. However, it's off-putting when the urge to teach manifests itself as over-correction or pointing out some subtle technicality. Fortunately, instances of this pathology are easy to spot--they almost always start with the words "Well, actually..." or "It turns out...". While these phrases may be appropriate when presenting a major correction or preventing someone from making a dangerous mistake, consider finding a different way to say what you're trying to get across. Remember, people don't remember what you tell them, they remember how you make them feel. Back-seat driving is disruptive If you overhear people working through a problem, avoid lobbing advice across the room. Doing so can lead to the "too many cooks" problem, but more importantly, half-participation is rude and disruptive. If you want to help, then by all means, offer advice or join in the conversation--but be sure you're fully engaged and not just butting in sporadically. Similarly, when someone is explaining a tool or concept, they often have a hidden plan to introduce concepts in a specific order. It's disruptive to have somebody interject with something you weren't planning to cover until later. Don't do it! No subtle sexism, racism, or other bigotry We try to avoid subtle sexism, racism, homophobia, etc. (Overt prejudice is, of course, right out.) This guideline is a bit different from the others--it's often not a specific, observable phenomenon, as opposed to, say, a "well-actually". It also may not be directed at a specific individual. If you observe bigoted behavior, talk to the people involved! Tell them that whey they did was not cool. If you don't feel comfortable talking to the people involved, talk to somebody on the EC. On the other hand, if someone calls you out on discriminatory behavior, please don't start a debate with them; doing so invalidates their feelings and lowers the quality of the SIPB environment. Instead, apologize and move on. If, after reflecting on your comment, you believe you've been misunderstood--i.e., your behavior wasn't actually bigoted--contact an EC member to discuss the situation further. The most sincere apologies consist of "I'm sorry" An apology is a sincere expression of sadness for the sadness of others. If you apologize but qualify your apology with "...that", "...if", or "...but", you risk introducing a harmful subtext--that the recipient shares some of the blame for the incident. It won't feel like an apology to them. Often, people say "I'm sorry, but..." during the course of an argument. This sort of "I'm sorry" isn't really an apology--it's a refusal to concede a point, and it's an insincere use of the words. Feeling sorry for someone else's pain doesn't mean that you agree with them; it means that you recognize that they're upset and sincerely wish that weren't the case. What happens if someone violates these principles? We strive to live by our social principles and clarifying guidelines, but inevitably, we make mistakes. When mistakes come up, it's not acceptable to use the principles and guidelines to beat people for "being bad". It is, however, acceptable--and important--to improve the environment when you see something you think is destructive. If someone has contributed negatively to a SIPB social environment (e.g., the office, a SIPB email list, our Zephyr classes), privately reach out to that person (or their target) and discuss your thoughts with them. Use caution when publicly calling somebody out--doing so is generally unwise in electronic media, because it tends to start a distracting and toxic argument. On the other hand, if you choose to call someone out in person, focus on what they said or did, and not on the person themselves. Remember, even the best of us can't do right all the time. Finally, if you yourself realize that you violated these principles, call yourself out on it and apologize. Doing so will remind others that these issues are important to the community and may empower others to speak up. It doesn't mean you're a bad person, or even a bad SIPB affiliate. Above all, you should *always* feel welcome to talk the Chair or any EC member, especially if someone's behavior or speech is making you uncomfortable or unwelcome and you're hesitant to approach that person yourself.